the 12th asinine poetry contest:
asinine crime poems
SO ASININE, IT'S CRIMINAL!
Many people say this site is a crime against poetry. So we decided to appropriate that, er, compliment, and asininize a genre of verse that deals with crime. The breach of law. The illegal act. The violence reneging on the social contract.
The caper went down like this; We asked for submissions of humorous, parodic, satirical poems about anything from extortion to murder to, um, public intoxication. The payoff: $50 for third place, $75 for second, and $100 for first. And to sweeten the pot: All entries will also be considered for inclusion in the next issue of The Lineup, a recently launched chapbook series on crime poetry.
We received more than 100 entries--covering murder, drug use, flower thievery, and police work We rubbed out most of them to get down to 12 finalists. Like American Idol, but without the singing, the instant celebrity, or Simon Cowell. But we did get a judge. We subpoenaed Tim McLoughlin--author of Heart of the Old Country. and editor of the Brooklyn Noir series of books--to be our judge. Entries were due August 1.
Without further ado, here is the lineup of runners up in no alpha order:
"Love and Murder" by Eileen Budd
"the prose of cons" by J.C.
"Pretty Clerks Are Pretty Bad" by Frank Hubeny
"The French Soccer Case" by Dave Kessler
"Love Strikes Twice" by David Ochs
"Petty Crime" by Judie Rae
"Crime Is Too Crunchy under Your Feet When You Walk Around" by Gregory Lawrence Stewart
"In Love with a Stripper Named Lynn" by Gerald So
"A Crime Scene" by Albert Van Hoogmoed
And walking away with the loot:
3rd Place: "Poor Rudolph" by Natalie M. Dorfeld, PhD
Said McLoughlin, ''Yes. Beautifully violent and juvenile at the same time.''
2nd Place: "The Dick" by Ray Freed.
''Excellent," said McLoughlin. ''And poetic in a perfectly asinine way.''
1st Place: "Last Supper" by M. Lee Alexander.
''I've always been a sucker for limericks -- even if they don't feature the word Nantucket -- and I love this," said McLoughlin. ''Crisp, blunt, totally funny. A full-course meal on a cracker.''
Our larcenous thanks to our finalists and winners, to to all the entrants, and Tim McLoughlin. Thanks, as always, for reading.