Dustin Michael

(1984 - )

Arrr, when Mr. Michael was a lad, he was always in trouble and always hurt, and he thought about how, when he was all grown, he'd probably be some kind of criminal with lots o' body parts missin' (because, really, how likely is it ta go through life wit'out losin' some parts?). So in his heart, pirates beat out ninjas and soldiers as his favorite thing ta pretend ta be. They have the coolest dialect, they take crap offa nobody, and, on top of all that, they pull off prosthetics passing well. Arrr.

"American Pie"
"Describing the Ideal Art Film about Equality"
"Dream about Junior High Ex-Girlfriend"
"Easter Limerick"
"Fingers in Her Hair"
"Halloween Limerick"
"Hallows to the Chief"
"Happy Valentine's Day"
"Hello, Susie"
"I Am Catfish"
"I'm a Beauty Vampire"
"My First Candlelight Vigil"
"My Love Is Your Booty"
"Myself for Halloween"
"Papal Eulogy"
"Phenobarbital Blues"
"Rush Haiku"
"Sleep, Waffles, Ass"
"Sorority Chicks First"
"Sorority Chicks' Toe Rings"
"Sorority Formal"
"Sorority World"
"St. Patrick Visits a Public Grade School"
"The Vote We Didn't Rock"
"White Boy Know His Dance Be Wack"
"With Us Pirates"