Arrr, when Mr. Michael was a lad, he was always in trouble and always hurt, and he thought about how, when he was all grown, he'd probably be some kind of criminal with lots o' body parts missin' (because, really, how likely is it ta go through life wit'out losin' some parts?). So in his heart, pirates beat out ninjas and soldiers as his favorite thing ta pretend ta be. They have the coolest dialect, they take crap offa nobody, and, on top of all that, they pull off prosthetics passing well. Arrr.