Jon Wesick b. 1975

Mr. Wesick has a PhD in physics and is the world's leading proponent of string-cheese theory, which states that elementary particles can be viewed as eleven-dimensional vibrations in cosmic mozzarella. In the four-dimensional limit this picture agrees with the Standard Model of Fromage with three flavors (original, nacho, and cool ranch) and two textures (fried to a crispy crunch and baked to a delicate crunch). Mr. Wesick has worked at the Large Gruyere Collider and is principal investigator at the Wensleydale Mine Experiment, which seeks to detect solar neutrino oscillations in a large vat of fondue.

Poems