Bill Jansen (1946- )

Mr. Jansen's birth is still celebrated by the entire population of his home town, Forest Grove, Oregon. The celebration lasts 11 months. Because he was a long baby. ''In fact,'' says Mr. Jansen, "I live less than 2 blocks from that famous hospital, which is now apartments too expensive for me to afford.'' Elevated levels of irony in his blood kept him out of the Nam. ''Instead, I was put in charge of a Secret Laundry in Stuttgart, Germany.'' In theory, they are still looking for him.