Matt Kirby (1981 - )

In a nearly fatal incident with a copy machine, Mr. Kirby—receptionist (and employee for the month for three out of eight months in 2001) at Sprattle and Pooge—was partially blinded in his third eye. In an effort to repent and to keep his position, Mr. Kirby would like to publicly apologize to the Xerox guy who had to work overtime and, oh yes, to Gina in accounting for the sticky things he left in her files.