I do not have
Beetle Bailey books
not the ones you want, anyway

Oh, good! You found
your mom a present.
Too bad about the urine stains.

We do not wrap gifts.
All we have for gift-wrap
Is stickers and used porn.

I am on hour
sixty-five this week.
Do not ask me for a smile.

''Santa Baby'' plays
for the forty-seventh time
I load, I shoot