BECAUSE I could not stop for Liza —
She kindly stopped for me —
The Limo held just Ourselves —
And her Celebrity.

We slowly drove — she knew no Haste —
She did a line of Coke —
And lamented, "I used to Think —
Life was such a Joke.''

''I had Fake Hips and a Plastic Knee —
I weighed a Thousand Pounds —
Nobody in Hollywood would Hire me —
I felt like Mama, on Her Way Down.

But now I've met a Man —
the Perfect Man, you see —
Mama would have Loved Him —
And He's no Stranger to Plastic or Surgery.''

She poured Herself a Large Drink —
and took a Tiny Pill —
Handed me a flask of Moonshine —
From her Park-Avenue-Still —

And told me of the Ceremony —
The many Gilded Guests —
''I was going to invite Mel Torme,'' she said —
''But then I remembered, He's dead!''

The Limo paused before The Plaza —
I saw Charo, Phyllis Diller, celebrities of Yore —
''Come on and meet everybody,'' Liza said —
And led me through the Golden Door.

Inside there was the strangest Scene —
while Liza said, ''I do!'' —
The Stars seemed fuzzy all around —
Was this the Ghost of Judy, they wondered
Or just the Sterile Cuckoo?

I didn't leave the Party —
Till the next Day, at Noon —
Kirk Douglas gave me a Hickey —
And Liza said she, Liz and Jacko would remake
Tell Me That You Love Me, Junie Moon —

Since that day — 'Tis Centuries, it seems — and yet —
Feels Shorter than the Day —
I first spotted Liza's wheels —
Heading Toward Eternity —