BEER is my saviour, Beer is my grace
Why did she throw that Coors Light into my face?
I thought I was classy — thought I was kind
by gagging up Corona rind.

Beer is great, Beer is good
I use Beer in place of food
Sometimes I stumble. Sometimes I fall.
Christ! Beer makes sense of it all.

I serve Beer out on a platter
to stifle humans' useless chatter.
They rant, they rave, they claim they're MADD.
I'm home drunk — sobriety's a fad.

Up all night, I can't sleep,
my tap system's sprung a leak —
here I drown in a Paulaner shower —
regaling in its hop-flavored power.