WELL, Eastside girls are snobs
They're the snobbiest girls in town
They have purebred dogs and they're self-absorbed
Who really needs these girls around?

Though New York is overcrowded
it's still hard to get a date
If these uptown girls don't want to be nice,
they should just move to another state

I wish they all could be California
I wish they all could be California
I wish you'd all move to California, girls

Now Westside girls are high-strung
And they tan themselves like toast
If they want to look like girls from Beverly Hills
why don't they fly off to the West Coast?

I been turned down the Eastside
I been turned down on the West
Those heartbreakers should drive across the country
leaving room for girls who'll say yes

I wish they all could be California
I wish they all could be California
I wish you'd all move to California, girls