ON the fourteenth day
Of Feb-ru-ary
To you I express
My feelings,
Mary

You've filled my days
Like a bill of lading
Endless lists
Requests cascading

So my dear Mary
Your invoice
I'll pay
It's come due
On this Valentine's Day

''Won't you please call me?'' ''Why don't you write?''
''Just move your pillow more to the right.''

''We never go out.''
''You think I'm fat?''
''Get me a Kleenex, I'm allergic to cats!''

''We never talk.''
''Football? Again?''
''Clean up this house! It's a pig-pen!''

''We're going to mother's.''
''Put the seat down!''
''Not with the boys, not out on the town!''

''Clean the garage, please.''
''Empty the trash.''
''You think you're in college?''
''You can't just get smashed.''

''Turn down the volume.''
''Don't drink so much beer.''
''Did you hear what I said?''
''Did I make myself clear?''

Yes, Darling, you did
Clear as a bell
For ten long years
Life here's has been Hell

Fuck Valentine's Day
And fuck you!