I'M falling apart.
Or as my uncle from New Hampshire would say
I'm falling apaht.

I've got heel bursitis, patella tendonitis.
I go to chiropractic, orthopedic, podiatric, and physical therapy.
Nobody knows what is wrong with my right knee.
I gained twenty pounds in the last six months.
I can't wear the jeans I bought last January.
I'm at risk for hypertension, diabeties, obesity
All because of the genes I got from my family.
My carpal tunnel syndrome is a catastrophe
'Cause it hurts to type out asinine-type poetry.

Also, I am afraid that my new iron lung
will interfere with my sex life.