DEAR STEVE,
I am concerned about the state of the birthday card you recently delivered, particularly at the finalized copy regarding commitment, Bruce Springsteen tickets, and Memorial Day weekend at my parents' house, none of which has been leveraged from expected content. It is definitely off brand, and, overall, the value prop of this relationship is not popping and needs more of a wow factor.

While I see where you're coming from with the cartoon bear as cover art, the interior commitment content, such as "IF we get married…" (caps mine) and "I GUESS we’ll see" (caps mine), is not consistent across all previous cards, letters, and discussions with friends, my parents, and myself. If you continue to deliver a new version of such content each time without a reasoned POV on why it should be changed globally, you're going to find yourself in trouble, mister, and looking for a new apartment.

Additionally, the included gift, while appreciated, ignores certain BAU* practices for Bruce concerts, for example, acquiring tickets for my bffs Beth and Osvaldo, and acquiring seats within at least 100 feet of the Boss. This is not outside your present data stream! Frankly, these are easy wins and should not be an edit I need to send you with each Bruce concert we plan to attend. My friends are an added value to our relationship and BTW I wish you would stop calling them "Cagney and Lacey." It makes Beth uncomfortable.

Also, per the sidebar scribbled on the left inner side of the card. Please note that when we kicked off this relationship, we identified areas such as visits to Fairfield on a semi-regular basis, including holidays. Your attempt to push the envelope is suboptimal, and any suggestion that you could "SIT this visit out" (caps mine) is outside the established construct. And Mother is going to make breaded pork chops just for you! If necessary, I can soundbite some of our approved talking points before the meeting in order to better manage my parents' expectations.

Finally, much thanks for the sex this morning. The creative is coming along great! However, there are still some engagement issues that must be addressed, and moving forward I need you to take more ownership in assuring the quality and accuracy of your work before delivery. Without getting too granular here, our end results have not always been synergistic, and I need you to deep dive into this by keeping better track of global content, rather than starting at exactly the same spot on my neck all the time. Then I might be in more of a mood to add a fast follower to your LHF.**

Please revise the enclosed card and call out the revisions of content above throughout the card and have it on my pillow no later than Tuesday EOD.***

Thx!,
Your Pooh Bear

* Business As Usual
**Low Hanging Fruit
*** End of Day