The Beeping Wife

A MAN wakes to the sound of his wife beeping in the kitchen. He dresses and takes his usual place for breakfast. Beep, she says as he eats his oatmeal, beep BEEP as he leaves for work. He arrives home that evening to find her beeping on a chair in the living room. The sound makes it difficult for him to follow his favorite shows on TV, so he retires to their bedroom to read. Eventually she joins him, beeping intermittently even after he's turned off the light. If I don't do something about this, he thinks, I'm going to be very tired in the morning. He reaches over and depresses one of her nipples with his right index finger. Beep, she says. He depresses the other nipple and then both nipples simultaneously, but the beeping continues unabated. After an extended period of trial and error during which his language becomes increasingly coarse, he remembers the correct procedure and executes it with precision. La la la, she says. Beep, he replies.

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