''Son of Jor-El! Kneel before Zod!''
. . . Submitting doesn't have to be as bad as all that.
So, you wrote yourself a poem, and you think it'd be perfect for us.
Well, think again! Actually, we'd really love to read what you got. But be sure you've read through the site and understand the concept of ''ASININE!'' Once you do that, then, well, tell us because we're not always so sure ourselves. Then send in your masterpiece to our hardworking lackeys via the slice of dingleberry pie above. Include your poems in the body of e-mail. NO ATTACHMENTS WILL BE OPENED. THAT IS THE WILL OF ZOD!
Ahem. We understand that sending your work out is a bit like sending your
kid to kindergarten. What if he doesn't fit in with the other kids? What if the teacher doesn't like her and hits her with a ruler just because she liked to twirl her hair and flare her nostrils, she's just a little girl, after all, and -- oh, sorry, Catholic school flashback. Anyway, we'll try to get back to you ASAP. If we want the poem, we'll say so. If we don't want it we'll sheepishly say so. If you're close, we'll try to give comments and ask you to send again.
Y'all looking for anything in particular?
In general, keep your poems to 50 lines or less and your prose to 5,000 words or less. Well-crafted and funny stuff is what we aim for. Again, read through the site first.
Will you ever call me?
You will be notified if and when your poem will be posted, via our e-newsletter, so look for it. All material published by asininepoetry.com is copyrighted, and we reserve the right to use all material on the site in forthcoming print and online publications, such as our app. If your work is published by us, we take First Electronic Publishing Rights, after which the rights revert back to you. You are of course free to pursue reprinting your work in other venues. We do, however, appreciate your mentioning Asinine Poetry as the original published source. We will consider material that has been previously published elsewhere if the publication granted you privilege. Also: If you would like to modify or remove your work at any time, please send us a note, and we will take care of it as soon as possible.
Do you hear what I hear?
Please note that we may choose to read your poem on one on our too-cool-for-school podcasts — without letting you know. This is not out of malice. This is because we are lazy. But please check out the podcasts — some of them are actually not awful.
Hey, you mean I don't get paid?!
Poetry equals poverty, or what's your dayjob work for! So, no, you only get
glory. We did used to have contest that paid, um, but our investments in real estate did not pan out, so . . . . Anyway, you can go here to read about past contests. For now, in your asinine bio, we will link to your blog or Book of Faces pages, if you like.
Hey, what's the deal with those asinine bios?
Oh, those things. Do you really want to admit you write for this site?
You may make suggestions about your bio, of course, and you choose
your nom d'asinine. But the editors reserve the right to completely fabricate your identity. If you hate it, let us know and we'll try again.