''Son of Jor-El!
Kneel before Zod!''

Submitting doesn't have to be as bad as all that.
So, you wrote yourself a poem, and you think it'd be perfect for us. Well, think again! Actually, we'd really love to read what you got. But be sure you've read through the site and understand the concept of ''ASININE!'' Once you do that, then, well, tell us because we're not always so sure ourselves. Then send in your masterpiece to our hardworking lackeys at: editor@asininepoetry.com. Or, if you like snail mail, then to asinine poetry, P.O. Box 1349, New York, NY 10276. Include your poems in the body of e-mail. NO ATTACHMENTS WILL BE OPENED.

We understand that sending your work out is a bit like sending your kid to kindergarten. What if he doesn't fit in with the other kids? What if the teacher doesn't like her and hits her with a ruler just because she liked to twirl her hair and flare her nostrils, she's just a little girl, after all, and — oh, sorry, Catholic school flashback. Anyway, we'll try to get back to you ASAP. If we want the poem, we'll say so. If we don't want it we'll sheepishly say so. If you're close, we'll try to give comments and ask you to send again.

Y'all looking for anything in particular?
In general, keep your poems to 1,000 words or less. Well crafted and funny poems are what we're aiming for. Any poetic form is acceptable. Not too many haikus, though; we tend to get overstocked on them, and they just sit around and spoil. It's a shame. Anyway, again, read through the site first (click on the showerhead above for random poems). There are more than 1,200 asinine poems already here for you to sample.

Will you ever call me?
You will be notified if and when your poem will be posted. All material published by asininepoetry.com is copyrighted, and we reserve the right to use all material on the site in forthcoming print and online publications (you will be contacted if this happens). If your work is published, you retain the copyright to your individual work and are free to pursue publication in other venues. We do, however, appreciate your mentioning asinine poetry as the original published source should your work be picked up by another publication. We will consider material that has been previously published elsewhere if the publication granted you copyright privileges.

Hey, you mean I don't get paid?!
Poetry equals poverty, or what's freelance work for! So, no, you only get glory. But do not forget the twice-yearly asinine poetry contests. The top prize varies from $50 to $100 (and that pays for plenty of crank). Go here and here and here to read about past contests.

What's the deal with those bios?
Oh, those things. Do you really want to admit you write for this site? You may make suggestions about your bio, of course, and you choose your nom d'asinine. But the editors reserve the right to completely fabricate your identity. If you hate it, let us know and we'll try again.

asinine poetry,''the journal of asinine poetry'' and the contents of www.asininepoetry.com are © 2003 by Mongrel Publishing.
All rights belong to contributors.