The Ballade of the Physics of the Bra

by R.J. Clarken

SCIENCE is working with technology
to ease problems of women's chests,
to overcome issues of gravity
and to control those bouncing breasts.
To do this, researchers are developing new vests
for which they hope we'll say, ''Ahhhh!''
Right now it's still in beta tests.
The physics of the bra.

''Force equals mass times acceleration,''
or so Isaac Newton expressed,
in his Second Law of Physics application,
which may aide in supporting the breast.
Whether jogging or running or simply at rest
or skiing or dancing the cha cha,
in the laboratory, they're extremely obsessed
with ... the physics of the bra.

Victorian women wore corsets of bone
which helped to push up their cleavage
and tighten the figures that they'd try to hone;
Victorians were truly naive-age.
Modern folks just cannot conceive-age
of gals who had to deal with all the hoopla,
never even having a slight reprieve-age
due to ... the physics of the bra.

Mary Phelps Jacobs was a New York socialite
who, in 1914, is thought to have invented
the very first bra; a success nearly overnight
since it lifted ''the girls'' and prevented
sagging and pain. Most historians have dissented.
Luman L. Chapman was the true grand boob-poobah,
gaining his patent years earlier: this represented
the start of ... the physics of the bra.

Now, there's jogbras and sports bras and bras of all styles
with front and/or rear hook enclosure.
While scientists ponder designs in their trials,
ladies maintain their composure
with varying degrees of exposure.
Women cheer the progress with a giddy HURRAH!
for new comforts from knocker in-closure.
All Hail! ... the physics of the bra.

(Envoi)

Women wear brassieres (and most surely must)
although it might seem bourgeois,
since many need that boost in the bust.
The physics of the bra.

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