On the Need for Czars

by Steven McDougal

A drug czar was needed
   To fight the war on drugs
Crime czars have proceeded
   To fight the war on thugs.

Big success this program
   With both these problems solved!
Hail this as a slogan
   Of Washington resolved.

Hail to the Terror Czar
   Fighting war on badness!
Hail to the Freedom Czar
   Sapping freedom gladness!

(Terror, terror, terror
   Lest you should forget.
Error, error, error
   Never feign regret.)

A czar would just be great
   Waging war on weather
For shoring dikes up late
   Science kept to tether.

Learned czars will tell us
   Just what we need to know
If we make monkeys jealous
   Or have a godly glow.

For me the brightest star
   Making this terrific
Would be to have a car czar
   Fighting war on traffic.

Slogans are paraded
   Through government bazaars
Soon will be created
   A czar to fight the czars.

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