This Honky's Nuts, or Attributes of Don Imus

by Xander Floss

1. HOT wind rushing down an alleyway,
face like a used paper bag, which once held cheap rum
that was fun for a while, till it gave you a headache
then made you vomit so much you bled.

2.
Vegetarians may green the planet by eating more greens
but sometimes they have to taste their own feet.
Soy toe cheese.

3.
Say it once more with euphemism:
If X says it, and Y says it,
then why does Z get royally reamed in the ass for it?
Oops.

4. Has the Reverend Billy Sol Hargis forgiven you?

5.
Speak of papists, pedophiles, wops, spics, Jewish people, ragheads, African-Americans, hos, micks, cripples, cocksuckers, rugmunchers, retards, Republicans, and rival shock jocks in tasteless terms and one day someone will hear what you're saying behind the earsplitting clamor of the meaninglessness of this mean place and think you meant something, something mean. Did you?

6. Hair best described as that as half a hobo's
just up from a nap. Rephrase that
more gracelessly yourself,
if you like. I need my job.

7.
Take off that stupid cowboy hat already.

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