An Affair with Miss Remember: The Romance of Roger Clemens

by Mal Torme

OH, how I shall always recall
My affair with Miss Remember
She made me so much stronger
From September through November

I was her Pillsbury Dough Man
When she would poke my gut
She would knead my icing arms
And she'd always pinch my butt

On my bed she sank
On my lap she sat
While she needled me gently
That I was getting too fat

From pitcher to catchers
Through stiff pennant clashes
She'd keep all my secrets
Winking enhancing eyelashes

So why was it so wrong?
I just wanted to play ball.
But now I'm so on the outs
With that lovely and famous Miss Hall.

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