My Grandma's Advice

by Mark Adomaitis

MY grandma was truly a genius, she taught me very well,
She told me ''Do not horse around when riding the carousel.''
She also said ''Don't shoot your mouth off when someone's got a gun.''
Yet, I'm the fool, since I forgot the rule she called number one:
''Don't ever mistake the urinal cake for a cookie.''

I went drinking on an empty stomach in the hot noon sun,
I drank thirteen malt liquors, seven shots of 151;
Ended up in an ambulance--that much info will suffice,
I was so damaged and famished, I forgot grandma's advice:
''Don't ever mistake the urinal cake for a cookie.''

Yes, those white pucks are chock full of paradichlorobenzene,
So I'm blessed that I did not meet that crucified Nazarene;
Still, all the girls think I'm a joke -- might as well be sepulchered,
I almost died and grandma cried, I forgot her sacred word:
''Don't ever mistake the urinal cake for a cookie.''

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