The Polls

With apologies to Edgar Allan Poe

by Scott Emmons

SEE the shifting of the polls--
Tracking polls!
Mingling hopes and terrors in the voters' very souls!
See the numbers soaring, dipping
As you search them for a clue
In a drama tense and gripping,
Full of unexpected flipping,
Turning red states into blue!
See them swing, swing, swing
Till they can't predict a thing
And you swear that indecision is among the greatest goals
Of the polls, polls, polls, polls,
Polls, polls, polls--
Of the ever-changing, widely-ranging polls!

Hear the sniping of the polls--
Rival polls!
Trading accusations like, ''Your data's full of holes!''
Hear them bicker, bicker, bicker
On which candidate's ahead,
Being infinitely quicker
Than two lawyers jacked on liquor
To attack each other's cred!
Hear the spin, spin, spin!
They're predicting who will win
While professing objectivity, which all the world extolls
In the polls, polls, polls, polls,
Polls, polls, polls--
In the uncorrupted, fair and balanced polls!

Feel the power of the polls--
Exit polls!
Announcing prematurely, ''This is how the nation rolls!''
Now the pundits call the battle,
Which completely rocks the boat
When some goober in Seattle
With the brains of sheep or cattle
Thinks, ''I might as well not vote!''
How they skew, skew, skew
What potential voters do,
Till the staunchest Libertarian could wish for tight controls
On the polls, polls, polls, polls,
Polls, polls, polls--
On the all-too-influential exit polls!

Originally published in The Daily Rhyme.

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