Year-View Mirror: The Year 2008 in Rhyme

by Scott Emmons

THE year of '08, without doubt or debate,
Was a bumpy and turbulent ride
From the stock market thing to the smog in Beijing
To the moment when Hillary cried.
We were stunned by the jump in the price at the pump.
That Cyrus girl posed in the nude.
To dispel any doubt, Mr. Aiken came out.
A baby was born to a dude!
The business of banking was practically tanking
And high-risk investors went pale
While Fanny and Freddie, though highly unsteady,
Were judged to be too big to fail.
The bailouts were sweet for the Wall Street elite,
But they left an alarming impression,
So we just sort of glared when the experts declared,
''Okay, folks, we're in a recession!''
In political drama, McCain and Obama
Put on a spectacular show.
There were fund-raising blogs, there was lipstick on dogs
And a middle-class plumber named Joe.
The ''celebrity'' ad said Barack was a fad,
A taunt that left liberals wailin'.
There were fist bumps as well, and some great SNL.
Tina Fey was the new Sarah Palin!
And then came November, a date to remember.
The polls left a margin for mystery.
But by early that night, both the left and the right
Agreed that the vote had made history!
There was spicier news with that book on Tom Cruise,
And O.J. was sent to the pen.
The writers' strike ended, all fences were mended,
And 30 Rock rocked once again!
There was Sex and the City, both moving and witty,
While Twilight struck teenagers dumb.
Little Wall-E had heart, Agent Maxwell got Smart,
And the Knight was as Dark as they come!
Olympian fame went to those who had Game,
Though a few (like poor Liu) called it quits.
A runner named Bolt gave the judges a jolt,
And Phelps beat the crap out of Spitz!
Now with moistening eyes we must say some goodbyes.
Tim Russert went out in his prime.
Alas and alack, Bernie Mac won't be back.
It was way before Heath Ledger's time!
We lost a great human in Mr. Paul Newman
And Heston's forever asleep.
Vampira, it's said, is no longer undead.
George Carlin has said his last ''BLEEEP!''
Yes, the year's had some curves that rattled our nerves.
Our 401Ks are half eaten.
We've had a rough streak and the markets are weak,
But that doesn't mean that we're beaten!
In spite of our scars, we can reach for the stars
(If we bend a few laws of astronomy).
Though things are off track, even Britney came back,
So why not the global economy?
As the current year ends and the big ball descends
And the crowd warbles out, ''Auld Lang Syne,''
Let's all raise a glass and prepare to kick ass
In the upcoming year of '09!

(Previously published by Shoebox Greetings.)

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