The Very Idea of Camping

''I hate the outdoors. To me the outdoors is where the car is.''-- Will Durst

by R.J. Clarken

I hate the very idea of camping
and its lack of comfort amenity.
Sleeping in ''bags'' on the ground is style cramping;
it's a princess-squared obscenity.
No hot running water for nice steamy showers;
No elegant bistros for dining deluxe.
Happy campers say, ''Stop - and come smell the flowers. . .''
. . . so I'll point it out - poison ivy just sucks.
And how do I blow dry a curl or a tress?
Where's my source of electricity?
Do I wait until lightning strikes to address
plugging cords in a tree? Such simplicity!
(Not.)
Even camping in pricey RVs is a sin.
My idea of roughing it? Holiday Inn.

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