Fairest of them All

by Renee Rigdon

PRINCESSES, all the same
Captured by the dragon
It really is quite lame
So I drink another flagon

Captured by the dragon
I guess I'll have to save her
So I drink another flagon
I pray that they did shave her

I guess I'll have to save her
Ye gods, I think I'm drunk
I pray that they did shave her
Bearded maiden, who'd have thunk

Ye gods, I think I'm drunk
Off to slay the dragon
Bearded maiden, who'd have thunk
S'pose I'll have another flagon

Off to slay the dragon
I unsheath my mighty sword
S’pose I’ll have another flagon
The princess, she looks bored

I unsheathe my mighty sword
''Where the hell's the dragon?''
The princess she looks bored
''Guess you've had yourself a flagon.''

''Where the hell's the dragon?''
I ask and beardy smiles
''Guess you've had yourself a flagon''
Oh bearded feminine wiles

I ask and beardy smiles
Says, ''So that's quite a sword.''
Oh bearded feminine wiles!
I'm drunken and I'm floor'd

Says, ''So that's quite a sword.''
And drops her royal panty
I'm drunken and I'm floor'd
Beardy is quite scanty!

And drops her royal panty
And looks that say come hither
Beardy is quite scanty!
I guess I best not whither.

And looks that say come hither
I disrobe and she simpers
I guess I best not whither,
I'm drunken and I'm limper

I disrobe and she simpers
It really is quite lame
I'm drunken and I'm limper,
Princesses, all the same.

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