Billy Mays Eulogizes Farrah, Michael Jackson, and Ed McMahon

by Gordon Stanley

BILLY Mays here! To tell you about Ed McMahon.
A second banana like never before.
Dead at age 86 on June 23,
Shortly after midnight in California!
Death, you say?
Yes! You are correct, sir!

But wait! You also get Farrah Fawcett.
Dead at 62. The Angel becomes an angel
At approximately 9:28 a.m., on June 25 — in California!
Celebrities are dropping like flies.
It's a virus.
It's a plague.
It's a St. Valentine's Day massacre,
but in June
and with genuine American royalty.

But we're not stopping there!
Michael Jackson, folks, the King of Pop
His Moonwalking days are over, finis,
stick a nose on him and he's done.
Where? Where you do think?
— In California!

Celebrity deaths usually come in threes!
But we're giving you more than ever!
I, Billy Mays, was found unresponsive by my wife.
Not in L.A.
Not in California.
Not even on the West Coast!
But in my Tampa, Florida home.
On the morning of June 28!

There's never been a parade of pop star passings
like this before!
I haven't even told you the best part.
Folks, do you remember Fred Travalena?
Well of course you know where Encino is!

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