She Cried Herpes

by Barry Secretagent

''THAT reminds me of this time I came back from Club Med
with a nasty rash on my leg,'' she said to me.
She couldn't figure out what it was from.

''Perhaps it was from that tryst in the woods.''
She receded into memory.
I barfed in my mouth.

Curious, she went to her lady doctor,
who gave her a prescription for herpes cream.
But her regular doctor said, ''It's just a burn.''

''I probably just spilled salad dressing on my leg
and sat out in the sun too long.''
This, of course, makes perfect sense
to her.

Then she says she's hanging out at home
when this guy she was dating came over and saw
the herpes cream on her desk.

She somehow didn't realize
it was herpes cream,
so she didn't understand

why he was so weirded out.
He explained that it was herpes cream.
I avoided the obvious question.

''Why didn't you ask him how he knew
what herpes cream looks like?''

She must have said herpes like a million times.

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