Hold That, Tiger!

by Scott Emmons

IF I were golf's most brilliant star
With scores routinely under par
And driving in my SUV
I hit a hydrant and a tree
And then my wife, to my chagrin,
Attacked and bashed my windows in
Just after tabloids claimed that I'd
Been getting nookie on the side,
And gossip flew and rumors grew,
I think I'd keep my mouth shut too.

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