From the Files of Renowned Clairvoyant K.C. Eddie

Fiction?

by Ray Freed

(Uncovered by Ray Freed)

YES, THE SUBJECT IN QUESTION is becoming clear to me. He was a pack animal in what is now Bolivia. This would be before the great upheaval in that region, about 32,000 B.C. as time is reckoned today. He was lazy and his rump scarred from repeated lashings.

Before that time, in Atlantis, he was a piece of furniture in the palace of the Great One, a table of some sort. They played a form of cards on his top, it was gambling for sure, and they smoked rolled-up leaves and burned his top from time to time. Ashtrays had not yet been invented.

After that time, in what is now China, he was an herbalist and medical advisor to the Emperor Fang Shue and became famous for concocting a cure for a virulent foot fungus that swept the Kingdom. He fell from grace and was beheaded, however, as an aphrodisiac administered to the Emperor caused Fang Shue to plunder his 630 concubines in one evening with the result that his privy member fell off.

In the subject's life prior to the present one he was a meat carver at a dining hall named Katz's Delicatessen in a large northern city on this continent. He went berserk when Puerto Ricans were hired to carve brisket, shot the place up and then killed himself.

At present the subject's health problem can be treated by this method: Every morning the subject will take one half cup of bird seed and spread it on the sidewalk in front of his dwelling, get down on his knees, and lap the seed up. Also, concurrent with this activity, for a period of six weeks, the subject must each morning boil ten artichokes, let them cool, then peel them down to the sticky furry prickly part. Discard all but the sticky furry prickly part, which is to be taken three times daily without liquid. This treatment will at the end of six weeks result in the subject's short leg growing in length to equal the longer leg. Or the long leg will shrink to the size of the short leg. Whatever. Trust me. End of reading.


 

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