Futile Endeavor: The Treatment


by P-Woody

Pleasantville, the site of PU (Pleasantville University) and host to a string of murders sponsored by the EVIL LEERING CLOWN MASTER, who uses NORMAN as his conduit of destruction, wreaking havoc on those of whom ELCM does not approve.

The next victim on Norman's plate is JACKIE KNOTME, a reasonable, logical female in her early twenties, roommate of ANGIE, a ditzy, curious girl, slightly younger than Jackie.

Norman stalks Jackie briefly, then goes in for the kill one morning. Unfortunately, he finds a note on the door explaining how the girls left on a cross-country drive, bound for an exciting cast party that Jackie got a flyer for.

Bent on Jackie's extermination (and bound by contract with ELCM), Norman chases after the girls in his classic 1965 Mustang. In the meantime, THOMAS, a grungy clown who wants to escape from the grasps of ELCM by leaving the clownhood and becoming a stunt rollerblader in Venice, Italy, is wrongfully arrested for the string of murders perpertrated by Norman. Thomas undergoes a dramatic court scene where he is railroaded through the court system, then dragged out of court hog-tied, hanging upside-down from a pole being carried by the courtroom spectators as they sing ''We're off to fry his gizzard,'' with the New Orleans jazz band playing along and as the Judge puts the mime in the coconut and shakes him all up.

In a bus transporting the prisoners, however, Thomas dramatically escapes with the help of other prisoners, one of whom spontaneously combusts to distract the guards. The bus flips and rolls over a hill and is smashed by a train just after Thomas hops away, bound by chains.

Thomas then skyjacks a media helicopter from Channel 2: News as it Happens with the help of two other prisoners. Thomas ends up having to pilot the helicopter and crashes it into the side of a cliff, just after he jumps out into the water. He swims to freedom.

The girls are on the road, being chased by Norman, and Thomas running away from ELCM, on the same path as the girls. Their first night on the road, the girls witness a horrible accident and Angie finds a clown suit in their motel room, which Jackie dismisses as foreshadowing.

Unbeknownst to the girls, Norman tries many times, with no success, to get to Jackie, his efforts thwarted by MAW (a large Neanderthal-type being), a group of gabbling goons, various specialized police officers, ghosts in a big cowboy hat shaped Texas chili truck, squeegee men, and none other than the Evil Leering Clown Master himself.

JUDD JEPPS, head FBI investigator for the string of murders in Pleasantville, is pissed about Thomas's escape so he orders his agents to find another suspect he can railroad through the legal system. They pick up ASSFACE, Thomas's stoner clown roommate, and execute him.

When he finds out that Thomas has escaped, ELCM dismisses his clown class and shoots down a tunnel into his clown cave and rockets off in his Evil Leering Clown Mobile, determined to return Thomas to the clownhood.

Thomas somehow ends up in the back seat of the girls' Jeep and falls in love with Angie, whose nail parings he's been saving. He sings her a love song on his accordion and reminisces of the old days when he used to play football until he was beat up by a large pig, boyfriend to the head cheerleader on whom Thomas had his eyes.

The misadventures of this trio are many as they drive quickly across the country to get to the cast party in time.

Jackie, Angie, and Thomas crash the stunt Jeep and end up at the Clown Hostel for Hostile Clowns, where the convention for hostile clowns is being held. Thomas guides the girls through the convention, showing them all the sights and events, until ELCM and Norman show up and jump at them. Luckily, they escape with the help of BOBO, an old clown friend of Thomas's, who provides them with some banned salt riffles and a cow-shaped zeppelin.

Judd Jepps and his agents surround the clown hostel as our protagonists attempt their dramatic escape. Feeling backed into a corner, the hostile clowns burst out — chaos ensues, bodies are strewn. Judd Jepps spots the cow-shaped zeppelin; but just as they are about to capture it, Thomas activates the cloaking device, leaving the officers with nothing to follow.

But the heavy, dark cloak hanging over the cow-shaped zeppelin prevents Thomas from seeing where they are going and they end up crash landing on the mountain ledge where the cast party is already under way.

The whole cast and crew are there, eating chili and laughing about all the things that went wrong — the fact that the cops executed the wrong guy, for instance. All of the vehicles used in the show, as well as some other items such as running pantyhose, are driven off the edge of the mountain, where they roll to the bottom in a fiery crash.

The movie ends with a line at the automated teller machine, where all the cast and crew withdraw money and drop change into the cups of the starving screenwriters. A nuclear explosion follows that and a ''no cop'' tells the audience that the movie is officially over and they should go home now.


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