A Hopeless Situation

by Albert Van Hoogmoed

THERE ONCE WAS A FELLOW named Oliver Price
who went to the doctor for help and advice.
His wife had gone with him to offer support
in case of bad news in the doctor's report.
She patiently waited as he saw the doc
and left them alone as they sat down to talk.
"Now tell me the problem. What's brought you in here?
You seem to be healthy, that's perfectly clear."
"Well, Doc," said the patient, "I'm now 53
and not quite the lover that I used to be.
I still have desires, I still love my wife,
but my old equipment just won't come to life!
"I've tried that Viagra, but it didn't work.
I even took two," said the man with a smirk.
The doctor stood up, scratched his head in the back.
He opened the door and he peered through  the crack.
He saw in the lobby the man's wife, Eileen,
the ugliest woman that he'd ever seen.
She'd grown her a moustache and four double chins.
She had hairy armpits and hair on her shins.
The doctor sat down, looked the man in the eye.
"This looks pretty hopeless, but I'm gonna try."
He gave him some syrups and pills of all kinds,
said, "Early to bed, sir, and close all the blinds."
Early the next morning, the husband was dead.
He never woke up after he'd gone to bed.
His wife worked the night shift, was gone at the time,
and she found the body around breakfast-time.
The wife sued the doctor for killing her man,
but he was acquitted when she took the stand.
Judge Davis declared, "Well, it seems fair to me.
The doctor put him out of his misery!"

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