When One Says

by Nettie Parker Bauman

"GET THE SQUIRREL!" one
does not really mean
get the squirrel! One connotes
something more akin to "run
and have fun." Or "Go! Embrace
your inner wolf!" In the truest sense
one actually means "Go and get lots
of exercise so that you don't
chew up my Jimmy Choos or
don't become a chubby,
cardiovascularly-challenged mongrel."
One may essentially imply "scare the
pesky squirrel away so he (or she) does
not chew through the kitchen screen and
steal the donuts or set up residence in
the attic eaves." So, when "one" sees
you with the helpless and still oh-so-cute
rodent dangling from your frothing canines,
one feels like a sadistic idiot, like a PETA assailant,
like one whose been duped by one’s best friend.
Next time, perhaps “one”
will say "stay."

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