Choy's Religion

by Ann Steiner

CRANDALL MING CHOY started a new religion.
Called it Eat Your Baloney Before You Get Your Chocolate Pudding.
Everybody came to worship.
They came from India.
They came from Paterson, New Jersey.
They came from Cuernavaca.
Everybody kept coming and coming
Till nobody nowhere was staying away.

And all the stores closed.
And spider webs grew in the Palace Theater.

Thanksgiving was taken off the calendar.
So was April.
                                And May.

Because Ming Choy proclaimed April and May
Unnecessary.

And so proclaimed they were in fact.

Along with Thanksgiving,
                                the Palace Theater,

And stores.

And that, my friends, was that.

Until Ralph K. Green came along with another religion.

He called his Read Your Books
                                Before You Watch TV.
Which lasted about two weeks.
A hell of a lot longer than

Pearlie Livingston's religion, Try My Gefilte Fish
Or You Don't Get Any Kugel.

Which lasted six minutes on the Tonight show.

So if you want to start a religion,
Stick with Crandall Ming Choy.

Previously published in Esquire.

3 Like
Log in to rate
0 Dislike