The Ballad of the Dread Dingus

by Russ Brickey

THE DINGUS is a fearsome beast
      That hungers noon and night!
He wanders North and South and East,
      In furious famished flight!

His head is huge, his mouth a cave
      With mushroom teeth and carpet tongue,
A gullet that is double-wide
      And swallows almost anyone!

Now everywhere the Dingus flies
      He makes an awful wrangle,
And tangs up everything he spies
      With tusks built to entangle!

He squats upon the village square
      And burps a demon jingle
That deafens yeoman, dude, and squire,
      And rips off doors and shingles.

It causes maidens to go blind
      And nannies to get nauseous;
It peels the peels off clementines
      And sours the flesh of squashes!

Now when he meets a fiendish friend
      He greets it, winks and shakes its hand,
And waits until the very end
      To munch it down with dread command.

He'll nom you like new tofu too --
      Don't kid your kids he shouldn't
He'll slurp and chomp you through and through
      And make you wish he wouldn't!

So hark, my merry maid and man,
      Burgher, booger, wilding child,
Avoid this ogre when you can
      Or you may find yourself beguiled

When caught within his greedy glare
      That burns with midnight magic,
Till hoodwinked down his noxious lair
      Transpires a treat so tragic.

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