Where Is Your Other Hand?

by Itchy N Scratchy

WHERE is your other hand?
asked Sam I am

One hand is on the phone, I said
But the other wants to roam instead

Is it on the steering wheel?
Is it copping a quick feel?

No, Sam, it is not in a car,
it does not reach that far …

Is it holding up a glass?
Is it touching your wee ass?

It is nowhere near a bar,
But, oh, you're getting close, you are

Where is your other hand?!
demanded Sam I am
I have to know
please, please,
won't you tell me so?

Dear Sam, oh Sam I am,
I will tell you about my other hand
I will tell you, Sam I am
And I hope you understand
It is not in the city,
nor was it petting Kitty.
It is not outside the house,
nor fondling a gray mouse.
My other hand is right here
Here somewhere near and dear.

Is it gyrating to a dance? Sam said.
Is it — is it down your pants?!!

It is, Sam, it is gyrating to a dance!!
It is! It is here down my pants!!!

Thank you, thank you,
said Sam I am
for your inspiration —
for using your other hand,
in support of this great nation.

You're welcome, Sam I am
I knew you'd understand
We should use our other hands, a perk!,
to get us through our boring work!

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