L.A. Group

by Gregory Lawrence Stewart

TODAY I go to a group meeting called ''THE INNER SELF,'' and usually no one ever shows but two other people so it isn't much of a group. This is one of my healing groups and we sit there and we talk about MEEEEEEE! It's so not New York and I am so not laid back Californicated. I wonder what I am doing here. Where's the Big Sur and the Joan Baez and To Sir With Love and Denzel's Big Boner and Viagra falls? Where's the Beef? Why don't I ever get laid? Why doesn't Meryl Streep call me and ask me to read for her new project? And if she did could I handle it or would I go into a puddle of muddle before her causing her to look up around the room and say, ''Who farted?''

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