Cheesecutters Like These

by Houghton Piker

WE'D been in love for a whole week
and in that time I'd yet to squeak
even once, for when I felt some gas
I goodly contrived to quell my ass
from emitting even the slightest leak

But how much longer could I retract
my normal stinky crack attack?!
Alas, I decided on this plan
that I think makes me a better man
for I would not be holding back

At the next rosy-fingered morn
as you sleep like a newborn,
mumbling, drooling, a-sawing on a log,
I'll gingerly release some intestinal fog.
Ah, this is so much better than porn.

I'll quickly hop out of the sheets
ziplocking my product between the pleats
Then I'll announce I'm turning on the light
to your sleepyheaded, groggy fright.
And underneath the sheets
                                          your head retreats!

Since the linen will act much like a cage
thus you'll inhale my full plumage.
And this is what, my sweet ever-lovin',
is what they call the Effect Dutch Oven.
In Paris once it was all the rage.

With my balloon knot thus untied,
I'll have nothing left to hide.
At that point I hope you'll try
to let your own dear O-ring fly.
Just relax and spread your buttocks wide.

For scholars say when it comes to the heart
''There is no love without the fart
shared between two lovers who
can toot with each other till they both turn blue.
Cheesecutters like these shall never part.''

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