That Not So Fresh Feeling

by Meatball Brown

MY friend and I have no words of our own.
We speak in movie quotes,
But our tastes in cinema are so different,
communication is not our forte.
It started when he goes:

Intent to commit rape.
How did you establish that
when I see a naked man
chasing a woman through an alley
with a butcher knife and a hard-on,
I figure he isn't out collecting for the Red Cross.

And he's laughing. So I sez:

I can't believe your dad's actually going for it in your room!
Shut up, Ted.
Your step-mom is cute, though.
Shut up, Ted.
Remember when I asked her out to the prom?
Shut up, Ted!!

And I'm laughing. And he sez:

Keep it to movies I've seen, wouldja?

Dirty Harry Series
Taxi Driver
Dr. T and the Women

But I like cartoons, and cartoon-like movies, so I'm faking it:

Cannoli, sleeps with the fishes
Feel lucky, punk? 5 or 6 rounds?
Striker! Striker!
You talkin' to me?
Everybody loves Raymond.

It's terrible, yet, I can't stop:

Brando kicks it in the tomato patch (maybe Belushi)
But you don't assign him to murder cases, you just turn him loose
A jive talking nun
I'm DeNiro! I got a nice mohawk, eh? eh? eh? wha …?
Mr. T. was the best when he drove the A-Team van.

Then he hit me.

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