The Devil Gets Organized

by Colonel Drunky Bob

THE Devil mulled over from his fiery throne
a most unpleasant task, as he chewed on a bone.
He tapped on a horn and spoke in a mutter,
''This place looks like hell. I can't think in this clutter.''

There must have been millions of piles and stacks
old pitchforks, and torches, his old Filofax.
A futon from college — a little abused
a George Foreman Grill that had never been used.

Old 8 tracks and sweat suits, some missiles and tanks
the 2001 D-Backs that had beaten his Yanks.
The job was too daunting to tackle alone,
so he summoned his unholy staff to the throne.

He summoned his sidekicks, his lackeys, and minions
He sat them all down and asked their opinions
''What should we do with these mountains of trash?
I'd rent out some storage but we're hurtin' for cash.''

The minions were vexed by the whole situation,
and the Devil was fit to be shipped to tar nation.
Just then from the back, a new guy named Dale
spoke meekly the words, ''How 'bout a yard sale?''

''A yard sale. It's perfect! We'll sell all this trash.
We'll get rid of it all and make buckets of cash!''
''You minions get cracking as fast as you're able,
put up the tents, set up the card tables.''

They put up some signs and set out some cookies
it was quite a production for rummage sale rookies.
Each piece was marked clearly with little white tags
fifty cents for the mugs and the old girly mags.

Baseball cards, blenders, dish towels, and tins
started selling like hot cakes — and cheaper than sin.
The guests down in Hell all bought something in turn
it seems that in hell they've got money to burn.

It went on all weekend and by Sunday noon
they'd sold every board game, winter jacket, and spoon.
They unloaded the Afghan and snowmobile suit
and when they emptied the till they had fists full of loot.

The Devil, quite pleased that it all went so well
had Godfather's pizza delivered to Hell.
He fed all the minions and just to be clear
for the first time in history he paid for the beer.

With order restored and the clutter all cleared
the Devil sat back on his throne and he sneered.
Now, back to the business of eternal doom
Tell the Red Sox we're ready and have plenty of room.

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