When Nicholas Farted

by Colonel Drunky Bob

I guess it's my fault that this whole thing got started.
I shouldn't have laughed when Nicholas farted.
I have to confess that I thought it was cute,
the first time I heard Nicholas squeak out a toot.
But, it turned to a habit that was rather absurd.
He started floating a biscuit between every word.
He gobbled up cabbage, burritos, and beans,
as fuel for the tuba he hid in his jeans.
Silent but deadly!
The big hiney sneeze!
Dropping an ass-bomb!
Cutting the cheese!
Repugnant butt thunder!
Dead skunk in the road!
Who's dusting the crops?!
Who stepped on a toad?!
Pulling his finger was taking a chance.
Unless your escape route was planned in advance.
His stench induced vomit and weakened the legs.
He smelled like a gym sock stuffed with hard-boiled eggs.
It had all gone too far. I was at my wits end.
The boy had an awfully prolific rear-end.
I did what I could to stifle the runt,
but the harder I tried, the harder he'd grunt
He farted and tooted and pootered for weeks,
til an egg salad masterpiece blew out his cheeks
So ended the reign of young Nicholas' gassing.
And I have only these words to say in his passing,
I guess it's my fault that this whole thing got started
I should never have laughed…
                        when Nicholas farted.

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