Sorority Chicks' Toe Rings

by Dustin Michael

A brief note of concern, Captain,
that perhaps you're being a bit hasty
in ordering the cutting off
of me fingers.

When we first rounded up
the sorority chicks,
— pulled in to port right when the daiquiri bar
closed,
lured 'em onboard with the limes we use to stave off
scurvy,
told 'em there was tequila aplenty,
promised they'd all get to see dolphins —
I was under the impression we'd be confiscating their
jewelry
because, well,
we're pirates.

But it turned out
most of that jewelry's not worth
a dead man's giggle,
being mostly plastic,
and mostly stuck through their belly buttons …
but their pretty toes,
yar.

Forgive me, Captain,
I couldn't resist
seein' how those rings sparkled
on me fingers,
and I fully intended to return each and every one
to the sorority chicks,
but as you can see,
they've all but rusted to
me salty digits.

I think, Captain,
the toe rings
would come right unstuck
if the sorority girl to which each toe ring belongs
would suck her toe ring
off me finger.
And I find this solution not only
arrr,
viable, but
yar,
preferable.

1 Like
Log in to rate
0 Dislike