Why I Really Need to Win This Contest*

by April Clinton

JUST to remind you, and I don't mean to disparage,
But our addled-brained President has nixed same-sex marriage.

In this day and age the media's conspired
to make Britney and Christina the height of male desire.

So limited in choice and dreading liver spots,
I took a gal pal's advice and weighed a new plot.

''Give up the ghost, give up the johnson.
Women do it better,'' said my gal pal Ms. Parton.

Men are bad and dirty, was her common refrain. Look at Bush and Cheney — hell, even Jack LaLanne.

She'd plied me for ages, bought me free drinks
whispered sweet nothings, gave me amorous winks

She promised a gold ring — my first real proposal.
Who needs a penis when there was such arousal!?

So we travelled to New Paltz in matching wedding dresses,
excited and thrilled to be greeted by the masses

Stationed outside the courthouse were right-wing bozos
chanting horrible things: ''No nuptials for homos.''

Undaunted by the rabble we vied for the last license.
Alas the mayor of New Paltz had grown indecisive.

Confused and exhausted we drove back to Brooklyn
Maybe this union was just too verboten.

Our lesbian love couldn't bear disapproval
So I'm alone now craving any approval.

Oh Gentle listener, you possess all I require
Help me win this contest and serve to inspire.

Oh Gentle reader, don't my last hope dash
Nothing'd feel better than cold and hard cash!

*Prize winner, asinine politics and social commentary poetry contest, spring 2004

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