The Innocence of Finding New Ways to Get Off

by Quint McGuinley

I can recall a handful of times in which I felt true elation,
and each of those moments involved autoerotic asphyxiation.
My friends they all tell me the dangers are widespread.
But if you ask Michael Hutchence of INXS . . . no wait . . . he's dead.
Well, that's beside the point, as I've never adhered to the norm.
Hell, I've been masturbating like this since I lived in the dorms.
So I urge all you perverts to give it a try,
You might not get off, but at least you'll get high.

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