Trippin' with Pooh

by Daniel Sciarra

CHRISTOPHER Robin scored me a tab
That Rabbit had made down in the lab
Eeyore came late and tripped with the pig
Tigger was there but meth was his gig

Owl sat alone up in a tree
Smoking some hash he copped off of me
He babbled and stammered and whined like a pup
Til finally I told him to shut the fuck up

Hopping along came Roo and his mom
With a bottle of Quervo and a bottle of Dom
And as we all drank we chanted and moaned,
Oh God am I drunk, Oh God am I stoned

We finished it all and lost track of time
When Piglet was gagged by the wedge of a lime
He puked til he had no more cookies to lose
Then we all gave him hell for wasting the booze

We needed a coffee and Bailey's — or two
So went to the house of Winnie the Pooh
He stood in the doorway with a gun and a knife
and an inflatable doll he said was his wife

He told us of Hefalumps, Woozles, and more
And how they'd been lurking outside the front door
Rabbit stood up and spewed out a laugh
And said, ''Pooh, my friend, you should only take half''

I settled him down and put him to bed
And told him ''that shit was all in your head''
We sat by the fire til we all feel asleep
And I dreamed a sweet dream about Little Bo Peep

I woke up all cozy — in a big comfy chair
This better be honey that's stuck in my hair
But I have no regrets when I come to play
In the 100 acre woods on a blustery day

(With apologies and absolutely no permission from A. A. Milne.)

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