Dear Johnny, Just Checkin' In...

by Caustic Casey

Last night I was at this 4th of July Party.
I don't know who's house it was... my Mom and Dad knew.
I stole into the basement with some gin and found a can of turpentine.
I drank the gin, found a stick, (I already had matches)
then sucked a little of the turpentine
and lit the stick and blew fire like Gene Simmons.
It's my greatest moment to date, but the gin tasted much better.

When I got to the back yard, some dude was holding a lit
Roman Candle in his hand.
Little did we know that his pocket was overloaded with explosives.
That little we knew went away real fast.

Man, if I could patent that dance...
My Dad and my Uncle had to rip off his pants.
It blowed off half of his leg,
And I walked in search of the keg.
People just don't get it sometimes.
I think I did.
Talk to you soon, Johnny.

P.S. Why is everyone afraid lately?

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