Of Chickens, Liquor & Yodel Williams

by Colonel Drunky Bob

YODEL Williams just should not drink
Cause when he drinks he does not think
And when he drinks until he's drunk
He says things that should not be thunk
And does things that should not be thought
So please don't let him do that shot
Don't buy him beer, scotch, gin, or rye
Don't get him ripped, torched, looped, or high
Don't get him hammered, stoned, or stinkin'
Don't ever
him drinkin'

Cause when he's had too many beers
He turns to oatmeal 'tween the ears
And drops the little tiny reins
On the hamsters that he's got for brains
And does things sober folks find crass
Like dropping trou
     then dropping ass
Or waterin' the neighbor's plants
Or filling up his underpants
Or riding naked on his bike
Or picking fights with Fr. Mike
Or stealin' from the Sunday plate
Or feelin' up his brother's date
Or falling sideways off his stool
His shirt all sticky wet with drool.
Snoozin' naked on the john
Showerin' with his church duds on
Peein' in the Christmas nog
Buggerin' the neighbors dog
Grocery shoppin' in a towel
Romancin' with the barnyard fowl
Smoothin' up on his own sister
It's hard to say — I’ll tell ya mister

But one thing's true, just as sure as we're cousins
When Yodel Williams' head's a buzzin'
The farmers all round up their sheep
And the townsfolk don't get too much sleep
Cause til he passed out on his lawn
And every ounce of booze is gone
And the chance of him wakin'
     is really slim pickens
We all sleep with our rifles
     you bet your chickens

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