The Ballad of Ook

by Ook, Warrior Poet

THE day I found the voice I heard I saw I smelled I feared
I punched the brigand in the face and spat into his beard
I tied his knees into a knot and trod upon his nose
I stabbed him with a roasting fork and farted on his toes.
I pulled his hair into a knot and broke his fingernails
Then hit and bit and slit and shit amid his meager wails.
He tried to punch me once or twice or knock me end to ear
For this he lost his nether parts, his hither, and his rear.

The battle won, I ran right home to tell of my good luck
And found my fam'ly's home defiled, debased, destroyed, defucked.
The yard was filled with corpses of our daily merriment
Oscar Cat and Dingly Dog and toys of every bent
My sister's doll, my brethren's ball, my mother's cooking pot
And father's calligraphic set, which he rather liked a lot.
My rage at the invaders pushed me past beyond my check
I vowed revenge right then and there among the dismal dreck.

Alas! I had no money for to fund my life's intent!
And so I learned to lyricize and barter as I went.
My rhyming won approval from lowly man to noble
And coin I earned soon made me more than furious and mobile.
The songs I sang were widely known and popular as bread
People sang them day and night and other times bestead.
I'd learned a trade and with it came respect and dignity
And that, I knew, in time, would bring my enemies to me.

I was correct! They found me out! They came for me at night!
I called them cowards, drew my sword, I shouted for a fight!
Many of them and one of me, but that it mattered not
I had the righteous furor and the steel so finely wrought!
I broke them all, each, every man, until they begged and pled
I only watched them shrivel, die, and weep because they bled.
My mission won, I stood nonplussed among their broken bones
And then I thought, ''Adventuring! To save the weak and prone!''

So now I travel all the world and sing heroic deeds
And in between I rid the world of every bad seed.
I work with others, each with skills I wish I could possess,
But it's enough to have them there and not have their prowess.
We work together slaying monsters, tyrants, jerks, and imps
And split our treasure evenly and fairly, just like pimps.
Anger, yes, and horror too, they drive me in my quest
But cracking jokes and stabbing things are what I love the best.

0 Like
Log in to rate
1 Dislike