Night on Bald Mountain: 17 Haikus about Ron Howard

by Gordon Stanley

RUSSELL Crowe and Ron
have made two ''films'' together now
They should get a room
*
No one wants to see
Ron Howard without a hat
Not even his kids
*
With Spielberg envy
you direct sweeping movies.
Splash wasn't too bad
*
Richie Cunningham
What happened to you?
Did Fonzie teach you nothing?
*
You direct bad scripts
Akiva Goldsman the hack?
You must be kidding
*
Nice Andy Griffith
can never tell you
''Boy, you sure growed up homely.''
*
Saccharine last scenes--
cue the James Horner music--
Kill diabetics
*
There's just no excuse
You made a live action Grinch
There's just no excuse!
*
He's just as ugly
but your brother Clint is cool.
Pour me some tranya!
*
You did Night Shift
Which launched Michael Keaton
Another reason not to like you
*
On your honeymoon
Did your wife play Mussorgsky?
''Night on Bald Mountain''
*
I'll use a quote
from Ransom with Mel Gibson:
''Gimme back my money!''
*
Narrating
Arrested Development on Fox
Now that is all right
*
I liked Cocoon
if they made it today
It'd be called Viagra
*
Happy Days
was really
American Graffiti: Phantom Morons
*
Potsie and Ralph,
you ever talk to them?
Maybe they never call you?
*
You're directing
The Da Vinci Code with Tom Hanks
It's perfect for you

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