Jerry's Kids, or Ode to Jerry Springer

by Jim Cady

ALL those sick demented perverts on Jerry,
their lives are so twisted and sad.
Yet they always make us feel merry because
the things we do aren't even two-thirds as bad.
I love watching nympho-transvestites
bitch-slapping each other on stage,
always tastefully done though—no fist-fights!
Jerry, your show’s all the rage.

Yeah, I've got to say that every day
your show has really got class.
especially when some crack-ravaged ho
gets up and kicks her pimp's ass.

Nothing to me can be so completely heart-warming
as watching estranged relatives get in a brawl.
Some say it's just good performing.
But I wouldn't say that, not at all.

Jerry, I know everything on your show is true.
I've seen it with my own two eyes.
Besides, a famous, former politician like YOU
couldn't possibly tell any lies.

You always have some great moral message
whenever your show is through.
And I can honestly say that I'm the man I am today
because of all that I've learned from you.

But of all the things on your show that I find appealing,
the one thing that I like the best
is when ladies rip each other's blouses revealing
their big floppy digitized breasts.

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