or, Why Big Brother created the Junior Anti-Sex League

by Wade Christian

''YOU know, I have been watching you for years,'' he told the blonde who was sitting close by.
The perfect pick-up line. Her slap brought tears
to his eyes. He led a coup d'etat, why
couldn't he conquer the loins of women?
Maybe it is the moustache, he thought, hand
to his black lip-toupee. No, he thought then,
chicks dig the 'stache. It must be these England
After continued rejection, he
began to think maybe he was the cause
of disdain. If these women couldn't see
his greatness, sex would be against the laws,
except for the proles, of course, they are free,
like animals. Nobody rejects me.

*Prizewinner, asinine sonnet contest, fall 2005

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