The Pope Goes to New York

by Richard Cairo

THE Pope goes to New York and parachutes down from the Popeplane
The Pope goes to New York and orders a chai latte
The Pope goes to New York and rides a mechanical bull at a bar downtown
The Pope goes to New York and flirts with a bartender
The Pope goes to New York and at 3 a.m. directs the Popemobile to a White Castle drive-thru window
The Pope goes to New York and laments the old Times Square he used to know
The Pope goes to New York and bitches about the crowd on the uptown 6 train
The Pope goes to New York and leaves his hat behind in a Grand Central Station bathroom and is relieved when a homeless man brings it to the Lost and Found
The Pope goes to New York and celebrates his birthday with a devil's food cake
The Pope goes to New York and has a legion of bishops to sign his autographs
The Pope goes to New York and gets a free T-shirt at St. Patrick's Cathedral
The Pope goes to New York and looks at naughty silhouettes with Cardinal Egan
The Pope goes to New York and orders eggs Benedict at brunch and giggles
The Pope goes to New York and bitches about the traffic on the Major Deegan
The Pope goes to New York and goosesteps in his pointed shoes at a disco
The Pope goes to New York and gets giddy on Cosmos and reveals the truth about the Da Vinci Code to everyone at the bar
The Pope goes to New York and apologizes about the priest abuse scandal
The Pope goes to New York and asks parishioners to love their priests
The Pope goes to New York and visits a synagogue and says ''Look at all the Jews'''
The Pope goes to New York and orders a bagel with a Papal schmear
The Pope goes to New York and bitches about cell phone signal coverage
The Pope goes to New York and becomes Client No. 10
The Pope goes to New York and hears the Mayor's confession about congestion pricing
The Pope goes to New York and leaves with a statue of the Statue of Liberty tucked under his hat
The Pope goes to New York and is beamed back up into the Poperocketship

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